Saturday, May 22, 2010

Feeling stupid

Lately I've had an overwhelming feeling of stupidity. Everything I say and do feels like it's bashed by some holier than thou grammar nazi or trivia guru or stuck up IT asshole (yeah, I'm a stuck up IT asshole sometimes, but I do it with style and grace… ok style.. ok.. shut up).

Anyways, so seriously, in every aspect of my life I feel like a complete retard. I forget how to speak, how to think, how to do anything. So, I got to thinking why do I care if other people think I'm mentally incompetent? I mean, outside of my superiors at work and my significant other, does it really matter? Probably not.  However, my self esteem has always been based on what others think of me in that department.  I have never felt adequate in any other way (looks, personality, aspirations), so I guess intelligence is the only thing I've ever felt I had going for me.

It's really quite annoying.  I have no idea what I could be doing to kill off my brain cells (I say as I take another sip of my martini).  I'm sure many people would tell me I either need God or prescription medications to make these thoughts of inadequacy go away, but I don't think that's the case.  The God I believe in would encourage figuring it out myself, and I have always felt like prescription meds kill my creativity and intelligence, not improve upon it.

So, I think there really is only one answer.

I have to do something I have managed to avoid for nearly 10 years.

I have to… gulp… go to college.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Update on Life, The Universe, and Me.

Ok, I know I've never made a super personal post here before, but I see all of my friends doing it so, hey, why not. I've decided to ween myself off Facebook, so I will most likely post here more often in the future anyways.

Lets do things in a list!

- I'm thinking of going back to school and learning about Astro or Quantum Physics. I just can't get the universe and parallel universes out of my head.
- My birthday is coming up. My awesome boyfriend is taking us on a trip to a mystery location! I have a few clues about it: Ketchup, I can wear comfy shoes for walking - but not hiking, technically north of us, and in the Southeastern US.
- Eddie (my dog) came to live with us for a week. It ended up being ok, but she was so lonely we decided to send her back to my parents to continue to live with my dads dog AKA her best friend.
- I have found the wedding ring I want should I ever actually get married:

Ok that last one was found in the midst of writing this entry cause I got away from it for a while... END.