I decided to take control of my life...

In the immortal words of Bridget Jones:

And so I made a major decision. I had to make sure that next year... I wouldn't end up shit-faced and listening to sad FM... easy-listening for the over-thirties. I decided to take control of my life... and start a diary... to tell the truth about Bridget Jones... the whole truth.

While I'm not over thirty, it is indeed drawing near.  In a couple months I will turn 28, and officially, will be in my "late twenties".  If you asked me 10 years ago, I would have said that by now I'd have my life together.  Probably be married with a couple of kids, and an amazing career doing... something (even then I wasn't sure of what).  Also, I would (obviously) be very thin and beautiful and incredibly happy all the time.

Well, none of that was in the cards.  I have a job I like, but it's not a career, and I don't feel that I am of the right type of intelligence to really learn, much less love, programming.  I am starting college this fall at Kennesaw State University, so thats a start.

I, unfortunately, can't handle Smokey as a pet.  He is a sweet dog, but his energy is just too much, and I'm not home enough for him to get the exercise and playtime he needs.  If I could afford another dog to entertain him, it would be a completely different situation - however, I can't right now - mentally or financially.
Luckily, the friend I adopted from's Dad would like to have him as a pet, so it's all working out fantastically.

My finances are a complete mess.  Number one issue is that I have to get my car maintained soon so I get the best gas mileage possible... especially with gas here in Georgia hitting over $3.25 a gallon.  My gasoline costs often fly past $200 a month... and I only have a commute of 12 miles, 24 miles a day total.  I also go out to lunch w/the rest of my team way to often.  I think getting these two things fixed will put me miles ahead financially within two months.
The plus side: I've started working with my mom on weekends to make some extra $$.

Now the big one.  Weight.  I got on the scale today... I have officially crawled back up to 190lbs.  Christ on crutches... something's gotta give.  I have an appointment with a nearby gym tomorrow.  I won a free startup cost, and it's only $10 a month.  I'm sure it's not a very advanced gym, but I don't require much - just decent weight equipment and a good elliptical.  While I keep telling myself I could run outside like a normal creature of earth, I have become aware of the fact I live in Georgia... and while the weather now is absolutely gorgeous - it will creep up to 90F before ya know it... at which point it will be unbearable to do any kind of outside exercise.

So my plan, to stay on track with this whole exercise thing, is to post here my weekly updates.  Here are my current, terrifying, facts:

Weight: 190 lbs
Bust: 42" (38dd)
Waist: 38" (size 14)
Hips: 42"

My goals:
Weight: 135 lbs
Bust: 38" (or 36dd)
Waist: 26" (or size 6)
Hips: 38"

I know that I have a lot of friends who would like to tell me that my goals are ridiculous, and believe I would look anorexic at the size specified.  The fact is I'm over weight - as are most of the people I know.  We've all fooled ourselves into believing that a larger size is acceptable, when in reality the "healthy" waist size for a woman is no larger than 30".  A healthy weight for a woman my height is no more than 150lbs.  And, while it's nice to use it as an excuse, I'm not that big boned.  These are doable goals, and I intend on meeting them.

Lookout world!

A taste of whats to come

My current project is perfecting my record bowl and spray paint skills.  When these powers combine, EPIC AWESOME CRAFTINESS IS CREATED.

I finally got one completed that I'm satisfied with.  Pics below.  Tutorial to come later this week!

"Forgiveness, even if you don't love me anymore"

All of the greatest religious leaders, across cultures, have preached the practice of forgiveness and tolerance in some form or fashion.  In my personal life lately I've felt a lot of anger growing inside.  Contrary to popular belief, I'm a very tolerant person.  More so in my relationships.  I've been told (in both a good and bad ways) that I put up with more than most women.  In this recent situation, it brought on my own undoing.  Left me feeling shattered and empty, and as time has gone by, angry.  Not even the asshole who sold me my car left me feeling this taken advantage of.


He is supposed to get his stuff from my apartment tomorrow.  I had written a very strongly worded letter telling him exactly how I feel and what I think, however, I think I will remove it from the box... because I don't have the energy for this anymore.


I am no longer that same angsty girl from 5 to 10 years ago.  Holding grudges and being angry depletes my energy.  Just getting myself wrapped up in news about North Africa drains me.  There is such a lack of tolerance in this world, because all of the space for tolerance is filled with hatred.


..and I REFUSE to contribute to that hatred and lack of understanding.


So, ex boyfriends of my life.  I forgive you.  All of you.  We may never be friends, we may never see each other, but if we do... well, I think Ms. Palmer Mrs. Gaiman sums it up nicely.

We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands

Declaring the land we're on un-American 

We'll call it even.

And now... pictures of puppies!

What better day to start your Monday than new photos of my dogs?  Awww.

Smokey!

Eddie & Smokey

Boydog

Smokey!

Eddie & Smokey

Slight living room make over

Ok, so it's not a makeover so much as a repainting of furniture and reorganization.  My new puppy, Smokey, has his own chair, and the general layout is much more friendly towards guests. :-)

I got rid of an extra un-needed shelf, along with my television.  It's cut down on clutter a lot.  I'm very happy with the results!

Before:

After:

I don't think the after pics do it much justice, as they were taken with a phone camera, and the before pics were taken with a SLR... hopefully I'll have higher quality pictures to post later :-)

Lonely Hearts Club Band

Usually I wouldn't post about this, but it feels like the more I post and chat about it, the better I feel. I got, for the first time in my life, dumped. It feels weird. On the plus side I can really throw myself into my art and interior design projects, so the blog shall thrive. Yay for all you.

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My favorite Ukulele songs

I may have mentioned that recently (my christmas present to me) I bought a ukulele.

It's only the most awesome thing I've ever bought, ever, ever.

So for other people who are interested, here are some of my favorite tabs.  (no Beatles on here only because the beginners book I got with it is all Beatles songs)

• Mumford & Sons - The Cave
• Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man
• Garfunkel & Oates - Fuck You
• Garfunkel & Oates - Pregnant Women are Smug (this is actually guitar tabs, but you can figure it out)
• Kate Nash - Merry Happy
• Kate Nash - Foundations
• John Lennon - Imagine
• Feist - 1 2 3 4
• Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark
• Radiohead - Creep

I've played around with a few others, but those are by far my favorites.  I'm no where near good enough to play in front of anyone, but it's coming along.

Between my new puppy (pictures and a post about him to come), and my ukulele, mental health is becoming very manageable.  By the end of the year, I may actually get off my meds.  Wouldn't that be awesome? :-)

Sh*t I'm getting rid of

This week I was broke (nothing new there...) so I decided to put some stuff on Craigslist.  Huge gigantic failure for the most part, but I have managed to get rid of a few things.  Here's the run down of items I'm trying to sell/get out of my house:

- My TV
- a red rug from some country that has camels
- a little ornate table from my foyer
- an extra coffee pot/maker
- several German Magic the Gathering cards, along with a few english ones
- a Dragon Ball Z CCG deck
- a red vinyl dress (small)
- an off white corset (small)
- a green & black leather medieval corset/vest (medium)
- PS2 guitar for Rock Band or Guitar Hero

I hadn't really considered taking these things to Goodwill because at the time I was going through my belongings, I felt I might either use these things again, or a friend would want them.  After a week I realized this was a stupid mindset.

Some people have given me grief over the decision to get rid of my TV.  It's not a "nice" tv.  It's a few years old, CRT, and only 20".  I have a monitor of the same dimensions, but flat, and I can watch DVD's via my computer.  I don't have cable, and 90% of what I watch is on Netflix.

I no longer have a playstation of any type, so the guitar is useless to me, and I think the rest of the items are understandable things to get rid of.

Unfortunately I've only been able to offload the TV, rug, and - if the person I'm talking to now actually goes through with it - the little foyer table.  Everything else is still there.  I really don't want to give the magic cards away to Goodwill, as I am sure some of them are worth a bit (it's like six decks worth of cards).  Sorting things out for Ebay seems like a pain, but I'm afraid that's what I'll have to do.